


Shackle the Shadow

by Dark_Strange_Night



Series: Sanders Sides [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Strange_Night/pseuds/Dark_Strange_Night
Summary: Virgil told Thomas. He told Thomas and he could feel the mounting anxiety tip over as he sank out. Thomas knew and there was no taking it back.





	Shackle the Shadow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Smerup100](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smerup100/gifts).



> Requested by: Smerup100  
> "Can I ask if we could have one where the other sides realize/finds out that Virgil is a dark side or maybe some fight or flight"
> 
> I kinda went off course but I hope it's still enjoyable!
> 
> Warning for anxiety attack, skip *** to *** to avoid this section

It was simple. A simple fact. Just a few words that would answer Thomas’s question. He knew Thomas deserved to know. Knew that eventually, it’d come out. That someone else would tell Thomas. May as well be him who tells Thomas. 

Thomas. The same guy that Virgil had kept up all night. Sure Patton had also caused it but he was the one truly at fault. Logan may have said it wasn’t true. That it was just his natural reaction to something going wrong. But there the problem lay. Virgil was the problem. He overreacted. The thoughts were just that. Thoughts. It meant nothing. It had just been Remus acting up.

Virgil looked at Thomas, looked at the eye bags under his eyes and the tousled hair. Touseled due to his worrying fingers running through it. Due to the worry that Virgil cause. His eyes stung, his heart was pounding in his chest, his anxiety was spiking. “Because I was one of them.”

*************

There. It was said. Virgil couldn’t take it back. It would hurt less if Thomas had said something but Thomas just stared at Virgil. Took a step back. Virgil bit his lip, struggling to hold back his tears as he sank out. The moment he was in his room he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he covered his mouth. Sobs escaped his mouth, muffled poorly by the shaking pale hands. The tears were stained black from his eyeshadow. Eyeshadow that just kept appearing. Darkening and darkening and  _ darkening _ every time. It didn’t matter what he did. He couldn’t stop and he was suffocating.

He was drowning in his thoughts. His eyes were glowing purple and green. His face pale. He doubled over, gripping at his arms as he sobbed. It took all his last remaining clarity to not scream out. It hurt. It hurt so much and he didn’t know what to do. The room was spinning and his heart was clenching and everything hurt and he just wanted it to stop.

*****Please be aware that Virgil isn't fully calmed from his anxiety attack, skip to the next *** if you must, stay safe*********

“Virgil. I need to focus on me.”

A voice broke through the haze. Like someone shouting through layers and layers of blankets. There was someone kneeling in front of him. Their form was blurry with the unshed tears. “W-Who-” he tried to say, more like a croak. His throat felt raw from sobbing.

“It’s Logan. I am Logic in Thomas’ mind. I need to listen to me, can you do that?”

Virgil gave a small nod, hiccuping as he rubbed at his eyes. 

“Okay good, may I touch you? I simply wish to hold your hands.”

Virgil hesitated before nodding once more. His gaze focused on his hands once he felt the cool touch of Logan’s hands on his too warm skin. Everyone thought that Virgil would be cold but in truth, he was probably the warmest of the sides. Not even Patton was warmer than him but he was a close second. A faint smile appeared on his face at the thought of the fatherly side, although it quickly disappeared when his mind started to wander. What would he say if he saw Virgil like this? What if he blamed himself? What if-

“Virgil please focus on me,” Logan said once more. “I want you to copy my breathing.” Logan’s gaze was steady, not once flickering away from Virgil’s dual-colored eyes. Not once looking away from the tear-stained face. “Can you do that?”

Virgil stared back into Logan’s eyes, squeezing Logan’s hands. He nodded once more and Logan started to breathe in the familiar pattern.

“In for 4 seconds. Hold for 7 seconds. Breathe out for 8 seconds. Good, keep doing it,” Logan said. His voice didn’t falter as he followed what he was saying.

Slowly, Virgil found it easier to follow the pattern. His mind was still felt foggy and he didn’t quite feel there but it was getting better. It didn’t feel like he was suffocating. The feeling of not being present was still there though. He squeezed Logan’s hands again as a few tears fell down his cheeks, creating another streak of gray. 

“Virgil, do you want to do the grounding exercise?”

Virgil nodded once more and slowly they started. Five things he could see, four he could feel, three he could hear, two he could smell, and finally one he could taste. When the lost words fell from Virgil’s mouth he collapsed against Logan, shivering and gripping onto the front of his chest. Logan wasn’t the best with emotions, but he knew how to comfort someone. So he wrapped his arms around Virgil and held him close.

*******

Virgil didn’t fall asleep after attacks anymore. Not unless it was truly an awful attack, usually caused because Thomas had had an attack as well. So when his mind cleared up and he slowly sat back up, hands on Logan’s arms he looked at the other. “I…”

“You do not have to explain yourself to me, Virgil, not unless you are ready. Do you wish for me to help you clean up?”

“That’s… yeah, that’ll help and also just… just go the commons? C-Can we..?”

“Of course.” Logan gave him a soft smile, brushing the sweaty bangs away from Virgil’s face. He stood up, helping Virgil as well and sat them on the bed. Virgil didn’t speak as Logan reached for the makeup wipes that he knew Virgil kept in the second drawer of his bedside table. Virgil whispered a thank you when Logan gave him a tissue, wiping away the tears and blowing his nose before he let Logan start to clean up his face and neck with the makeup wipes. The process was slow and soothing. At some point when Logan had finished with the left side of Virgil’s neck and had moved onto the right, Logan had started to give random facts about stars.

Virgil smiled, eyes closing as he let Logan’s steady voice wash over him. Logan threw away the wipe once he was done and stood when he said the last fact about stars. Virgil followed after him, holding onto Logan’s arm when his legs shook. 

“Would you prefer for me to wrap my arm around you?”

Virgil nodded. “Mid torso.”

“Of course.” Logan did as told, arm gently yet firmly wrapping around the mid of Virgil’s torso once the other had let go. He looked down at the other, making sure he was comfortable and steady before they left the room. A quick walk down the halls later and they found themselves in the commons.

Patton looked up when he heard them walk in, Virgil almost missing how his face twisted with worry. “Virge-”

“Just need water… and rest,” Virgil said, voice cracking. 

Virgil’s voice was enough to get the remaining side of their squad to sit up from where he was laying on the couch. “Wh- oh, Virgil, do you uh- do you wanna talk about it?” Roman asked, studying Virgil as his eyes flickered to Logan.

Virgil swallowed, scratching at his hand. “Can I get water first?”

Logan brushed his fingers through Virgil’s hair before basically handing the anxious side over to the worried right sides. Virgil curled up against Roman who was quick to wrap his arms around the side. Patton grabbed the blanket and put it over Virgil, starting to run his fingers over Virgil’s hands. “Oh kiddo… maybe you should sleep before you talk to us.”

Virgil just shook his head. “No. No, I.. I need to talk about why I had an attack before I sleep. It’s… it won’t help if I try to sleep and my mind starts to wonder about how you guys would react.”

The others just gave a small nod and stayed quiet until Logan returned with a cup of water, handing it over to Virgil as he sat beside Patton. Virgil thanked the Logic side before he drank the cup, small sips at first before gulping down the remaining of the water. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, coughing a bit. “Okay, I’m okay.”

Roman took the glass, placing it on the table before he leaned back, letting Virgil rest against him more comfortably. None of them spoke, aware that Virgil was just preparing himself and speaking may cause him to not talk.

“I told Thomas.”

The three looked between each other before looking down at Virgil.

Virgil, who was curled against Roman and who looked too small under those blankets. Too vulnerable. They knew of course, of what Virgil had told Thomas. It was hard not to when Roman had a da- an Other as a twin. Still, it was hard to talk about that point in Virgil’s life. They weren’t even sure if Virgil knew that they knew.

“About..?” Patton finally asked, slowly and tentatively, not wanting to scare Virgil off.

“That I- that I was a dark side. I told Thomas. And he… he hates me. He hates me. He looked at me like I was a  _ monster _ . As if- as if I was like the Others,” Virgil said. His voice shook and broke and tears started to fall again as he sniffled. He wiped away the tears with his sleeve, staring at the empty glass of water.

“Virgil, the probably of Thomas actually hating you for something you are unable to change of your past is highly unlikely. Thomas isn’t one to judge a person’s past if the current person is a good person.”

“What if… what if I’m not a good person?” Virgil looked up at Logan. His eyes were brimmed in red, dark eyeshadow making the green and purple pop out even more than usual. Almost as if they were glowing due to the contrast. 

“Now that’s just not true,” Patton said, gently squeezing Virgil’s shoulder and catching his attention. “Kiddo, a bad person doesn’t worry about whether they’re good or not. If you were actually a bad person you wouldn’t have helped Thomas. Virgil, you are a good person. You are not the bad guy.” Patton smiled brightly, gently wiping a thumb over Virgil’s cheek. “I am sure that Thomas was just surprised and his tired brain wasn’t exactly, well, helping.”

Logan fixed his glasses. “It is true that lack of sleep tends to cloud… logic. Which is why I assure you Virgil, Patton is correct. Thomas was simply tired and what you told him suprised him. Considering all of our past interactions, Thomas would not hate you due to you revealing your past.”

Virgil bit his lip, looking down at his hands. He blinked slowly when Roman pulled him closer, arms around him and a hand running through his hair. Slow and soothing. Virgil leaned into the touch, eyes slowly closing.

“As the prince, I, too, must assure you that you are in no way the bad guy, Virgil. You are a good person. And I am incredibly glad to be able to call you a friend,” Roman said, filled with his usual amount of pride and loud energy. Even if Remus had knocked him out and Roman had complained to Patton about how it hurt and dad can’t you please make it go away. Roman was back to his high energy spirits. Albeit a bit subdued still, seeing as Patton would probably lose it if Roman tried anything more energetic.

“Thank you… and don’t say I don’t have to. Thank you, the three of you, for not turning your backs on me and… listening to me,” Virgil whispered. A soft smile was on his face and a laugh even escaped his lips when Patton yelled “group hug”.

The four sides stayed on the couch for the rest of the night, curled up against each other and Virgil felt safe. For once his mind wasn’t plagued with worry. With what if’s. Maybe he’d ask if they could sleep cuddled up like this more often, for when nights got rough. Patton was more than happy to agree to it when Virgil told him sometime during lunch the next day.

And as for Thomas. He summoned Virgil when he’d rested and they sat down and talked. Patton and Logan had been correct. Thomas had just been sleep deprived but he didn't hate him. He assured him of that multiple times. Virgil returned to the mindscape with a smile on his face. Sure now that Remus was running around as well, peace wouldn’t exactly be something that happens all the time but it would be alright. They could work this out. After all, that’s just what they ended up doing all the time anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments always appreciated!
> 
> [TWITTER](http://www.twitter.com/ArchySpade)


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